This week, Wes and I facilitated our weekly group reflection. The theme of the reflection was identity, privilege, and humility. The day before, Yanan told us: “focus on the content, not so much on your agenda.” What will I include as my content? What will I exclude? I didn’t know how to speak about identity and privilege without diving into racial politics, and I didn’t know if my thoughts, opinions, and content would be considered controversial. Nonetheless, I decided to carry on with my content (e.g. Privilege Walk, Central Park 5, LGBTQ pride, etc.). It was refreshing to engage in these meaningful conversations with my peers, as the conversations would probably be considered “too serious” to have on any other occasion. I was ecstatic to lead this reflection because I think privilege and humility is rarely talked about on Duke’s campus and is only brought up in negative contexts. It is also a topic I am extremely passionate about, so I felt like I was in my element JI genuinely appreciate the vulnerability and authenticity each member in our Duke Engage Team, Yanan, and Hsiaomei bring to the discussions every week. I also really enjoyed Wes leading the conversation about humility because oftentimes I (I’m sure all of us can relate) lose sight of my privileges and forget to express gratitude where gratitude is due. As I planned for this reflection, I learned a ton and became more conscious of my privileges. Moving forward, I hope to be able to check my privilege and exercise humility/small acts of kindness more often.
As we began taking our final pictures with the students on Thursday and Friday, I realized that the end of this Duke Engage experience is quickly approaching. For this reason, I feel guilty when I’m not 100% present in the moment or when my mind is elsewhere, whether it be when I’m at home with my host family and want to sneak to my room for some AC/alone time or when it’s so hot outside that all I can think about is going indoors or when I’m actively texting my friends from home/Duke all of the time instead of cherishing moments with the new Duke friends I’ve made. I have felt homesick a lot this week. I miss my family so much and I catch myself counting the days until I see them. I'm in a weird place right now because I don't want this experience to end, but I think that I am ready to go home. I catch myself not being 100% present quite a bit, and that is something I want to change in the next four weeks. After having an enlightening conversation with Jinjie earlier this week, I hope to be more open and keep letting my guards down. Being the overthinker I am, throughout my Duke Engage experience, I’ve had doubts about my teaching style and whether or not I am teaching my students enough content. Sometimes, I have trouble discerning when too much fun gets in the way of my students’ learning, and as I like to say, I become a “lil sus.” I can’t help but sometimes compare myself to peers who have had more experience teaching than me or seem to be doing amazing. However, I remind myself that as these students are learning, I am also learning. I also feel guilt over my little involvement in the final show, as I am teaching Journalism. While Evan and I just have to put together a book to showcase the work of our students, my peers have to go through A LOT of pressure (and the stress of getting their kids cut due to ~ “chicken pox” ~) to perfect their dances and performances and make sure it is up to par. Shoutout to everyone for putting so much time and effort into those final performances, and even staying at the office past night hours. I learned Kristie’s K-Pop dance on Friday and had a blast! I cannot wait to perform the dance on Wednesday when we visit the high school. I am excited to see how the final products unfold in the next upcoming weeks.