As probably everyone else has said, there exists a plethora of emotions that arise as the programme draws to a close. On one hand, we all expected it; we finished our final performance, and school is out of session- there no longer is a purpose for us being here as demarcated as the interactions we had in Zhuhai (we no longer teach English nor extracurriculars, which were the two main things we were brought here for, save for the vocational school) so why are we still here? On the other hand, nothing feels anything close to complete; everything was perfectly anticlimactic. How can I explain? Well, the television station was literally one of the most disappointing things that the students (Duke and No 9) could imagine. Working so hard for several weeks, then getting herded like sheep behind the stage and rehearsing for 10 minutes on the stage a couple times with horrific lighting and brightly lit backgrounds before doing it one more time in front of a few more people.
I mean that's what REAL show business is, but did the kids really need to experience that? Was there really a reason they couldn't pull up stools and watch from the front, or watch the other rehearsals? Was there a reason they had to feel like their performance was just another rehearsal with HOURS in between show start and their act? It is what the real world is like, but the point wasn't to show them what this world is like, it is to have them learn an extracurricular under a Duke student's guidance to perform in front of friends and family. But with so many people being unable to watch, such a simple thing was impossible to achieve, and they performed for some important people whopdedoo. How much more fun would they have had if it was on Jiuzhong's stage with tons of stools in the audience for their friends, family and whomever else wanted to watch. Does a middle school need to rent out a television station? What is wrong with letting the kids experience what countless middle schools in America are like in this type of way? Does it make the school look distinguished for doing this programme? Absolutely. Did the children have a good time? Probably? Could they have had a better time, could more people have watched, could there be less pressure on hundreds of people? Yes. So tell me this, do the benefits of a television station and lights, a background, felt chairs in an audience, and some distinguished guests compensate for the thousands of man hours lost, the inability for the performers to cheer on their peers, and the amount of frustration that occurred from all sides?
Don't tell me its about the kids and if they were happy if you're gonna simultaneously pay tens of thousands of yuan to rent out a stage and costumes, then have the lighting man screw up literally every act and the backgrounds not work at all. Don't say those are small matters, as otherwise we would have had a nice little gathering at the school. Don't tell me it is for the kids when they couldn't even get all their family to come watch them. Don't tell me it is for the kids when their friends and classmates (for whom this age group of people perform) couldn't watch. Don't tell me don't get frustrated when things don't work out when you've spent weeks telling me everything needs to be television station ready, and see the absolute embarrassment quality of work the technology crew of that same station put forth. The final product (which is all the dignitaries are going to see) was fine, but to make it only FINE we had to sacrifice our sanity, and it was not worth it. I would have much rather see the kids smile because they see their friends in the audience then be forced to because they are on a television station. I would have rather had my microphone work on stage than have multicoloured lights raining down on me (ya... the mic didn't even work properly). I would have rather acted as a friend in the audience with my students after a job well done then be a nasty old shepherd ordering my sheep to shut up and queue up. Joan was backstage about to pass out from overworking in between acts but why did she ever need to feel that way? Why was this stage so necessary to warrant so much tension, distrust, and mental fatigue? Watch the video because it is the part we want you too see (which isn't even that good), then realise how much better it could have been without the station. Not in terms of aesthetics, but in terms of student happiness. I should never have to hype my students up because of fatigue; I should hype them up because they are anxious. After it was over, it just felt like another rehearsal, That was it? OK. Take off your dresses, and throw them in the box, you're done. But you can't watch anyone else. Just wait til it ends. What a disappointment.
The students performed fine; four part harmony as tough, but imagine all that pressure and anxiety that the teachers felt, and now add the fact they've probably never before set foot on stage before more than 10 people. So take general nervousness that middle schoolers feel from performing for the first time, now multiply it by a thousand, simply because it is at a television station. Give me a break. I totally understand that pressure is too much, so my star soloist bombed on stage. When I asked her the next day how she felt, she said 不管它， don't worry about it- it doesn't matter and I'd like to forget it. This could not be further from what I wanted the experience to be. We really failed as a show if student's tried to forget the experience the next day. But given the gargantuan pressure and absolute crudshow that was on the part of the television station- what else could you honestly expect?
Our host family minus the child celebrated a co-workers birthday today which was fun, and I got to glimpse into the culture and norms of birthdays, and I learnt a lot about China and how implied manners (like toasting the lazy Susan if you're too far away), and had a long walk with my host dad and talked about international relations. But it's over. I want to cancel my trip to Guilin and spend these days with my students and people with whom I have interacted, and see if at least one is touched, and to be honest, it was probably a girl at the vocational school..... what might that say about who we are teaching and who might benefit more from interacting? Nothing... but it is interesting (why is it interesting Tessa?:)
So I feel like I need to spend a few more months here, but at the same time, our mission is over, the performance is done, the kids took their English exam, and that's it. Now what?