The final performance is over and I feel…heartache. Saying goodbye to my precious Kpop students was difficult. I really had my doubts about my ability to teach a dance class. When I was assigned to teach Kpop dancing, I told myself that I am not a dancer. I do not have dance experience. My insecurities about teaching dance faded away as I taught 40 Chinese students Kpop dances that I had learned through YouTube video tutorials. While some of the students had dance experience, others were just like me with no experience. What I realize now is that although I was the teacher, I experienced and learned the same things as my students. Because I learned with them, I could relate to them more, which made all the difference because we could not connect through a common spoken language. With the pressure of an important final show, we learned how to communicate effectively with one another despite a huge language barrier. We learned the choreography to songs by our favorite Kpop groups. We were pushed out of our comfort zones to smile and perform in front of an audience on a big stage with flashing lights. We gained confidence in our own abilities. We learned how to be dancers, and we had such a good time with it together.
The entire week leading up to the final performance was filled with hours and hours of practice and dress rehearsals. The students were happy to be on summer vacation and focus on their extracurricular classes. On the day of the final performance, as expected, everything was not as expected. We had one chance for a quick dress rehearsal before the final show. The background scenes that each of us had worked so hard to create were not shown during our numbers and the lights were not what we had requested. We were told that the files for our background videos were too big, so we had to scramble to resubmit smaller file sizes and ask questions about the stage lighting. Everyone was worried about the many moving parts, and behind the scenes, tension filled the atmosphere.
I found out later that one of my Duke friends had already compressed the file for my background and turned it in (thanks Evan!!!). I was able to return to my Kpop students and spend time cheering them up because they looked so tired. We had spent several hours applying makeup on each other. My students insisted on “fixing” the makeup that I had already put on my face. They seemed to be makeup experts already. I was impressed. Once makeup and photos were out of the way, my students started to become visibly nervous. I reminded them that the purpose of our performance is not to be perfect. The purpose is to show that we love what we do. The purpose is to be engaging and exciting. I reminded them that their facial expressions really make all the difference. It doesn’t matter if the rest of their body messes up for a dance move as long as their faces are smiling and they are having fun. My kids were happy while they danced on stage. They enjoyed what they were doing, and that is all that mattered to me.
During our goodbyes, I expressed my gratitude to my Kpop kids and how I was so proud of them. I love all of my Kpop students, and it is so difficult to think about how I may never see them again. I will always remember our spontaneous dance battles and crazy jam sessions to our favorite Kpop songs (especially “Crooked” by G-dragon). I received several very meaningful messages from my students. Here is one that I received after the final performance:
“It is a pleasure to meet you teacher. Compared with a teacher, I think you are our friend. During the two months we spent together, we all had good memories. From strangeness at the beginning to acquaintance now, they are our best memories. We practice dancing together, play together, laugh together. Your smile is unforgettable to us. Thank you for your company. You will leave, we will have some reluctance, and we hope you can always be our friend. Although very reluctant, but you have to go back to your school, we are really happy to know you friend. We will never forget you. We love you very much. We love you three thousand times. [insert 31 heart emojis]”
Reading through letters such as this, I always feel the tears threatening to consume my eyes, and I am left with an overwhelming feeling of gratitude. Thank you, Zhuhai no. 9 middle school. Thank you, Professor Ku and Yanan. Thank you, fellow Duke students. Thank you to my students. I will always remember this DukeEngage experience and carry it with me wherever I go. Thank you three thousand times.