I always wanted to be famous when I was little. I thought it would be so glamorous and exciting. Everyone would know who I was and would want a picture with me. But here I was twelve years later wanting everything but that.
The attention was one thing when we had been in Zhuhai. When I would walk in the area around No. 9 Middle School, sure, people looked at me for a little longer than was normal, but that was about it. If they said anything about me, I couldn’t understand it. I was fine with all that. But here in Doumen, it was a whole new level.
We were touring the area and watching a river wedding ceremony, and everything was so beautiful and nothing like I had seen yet. Yet all of the people around us were not taking pictures of the amazing festivities, but of us. And they were not even trying to hide it. Some just used their cell phones, but others used big cameras like the ones that paparazzi uses at important events. The first few people were fine; I didn’t mind much, and at least they asked. But it got to a point where every direction I turned, there was a camera pointed at my face. I really didn’t like it. It made me feel like some sort of attraction on display. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if people approached me to see if it was okay, but there was no way for me to control that.
Hsiao-Mei had warned us about this before going on the trip, but I had not expected it to be this intense. To be fair, these people had probably never seen someone who looked like my friends and I, so it’s not like they were doing it to purposely make me feel uneasy. I could not be mad at them, but at the same time didn’t know how to not be. I instead tried to look at this as an opportunity to figure out how to adapt to situations where I feel uncomfortable. I will continue to search for the answer as to how, but for now, this was just something I would have to get used to.
Although the rest of this week felt extremely long, it was a successful one. I felt that a lot of my students were really beginning to open up to me and feel comfortable talking more in English class. Even in my dance class, I noticed students who had hid in the back last week begin to make their way to the front of the class. Their dance is coming along pretty well, too! Despite the fact that I had to change the performance idea 6 different times because of misunderstandings of what the final show allowed (again: adaptability), I think they are going to look amazing.
I really felt the exhaustion begin to hit me this week though, and I found myself wanting to stay in my room and just lay there so much more than I should have. On Tuesday night I was about to head into my room after dinner when my little sister Amy came and asked me to go outside and play with her. As much as I wanted to say no, I couldn’t help but remember the advice given to us at Duke Engage academy: “Say yes unless it’s illegal.” I sucked it up and went outside, and I’m so glad that I did. There were about eight little children who were so excited to play “Hide and Seek” with me, and I, delighted that I understood a game for once, opted to be the counter first. Turns out “Hide and Seek” was actually “Tag,” so I spent the next 40 minutes chasing six year olds on scooters around a dark plaza. I realized two things then: 1) I am extremely out of shape 2) we need more laughter in this world.
Everyone knows the old saying: Laughter is the best medicine. But here I decided it was true. The children’s laughter filled me with such joy and made my long and exhausting day so much brighter. It was exactly what I need. I realized that maybe my goal each day doesn’t always have to be about accomplishing something important or getting x amount of things done. Instead, I think that if we are able to laugh each day and share that laughter with others, then that day has been successful. So throughout the rest of the trip, I want to live each day with more laughter and love.
My last impactful thought from this week came from me in the form of a fan. This last weekend we went to the museum of Sun Yat-sen and saw where he used to live. It was very interesting to read about all that he did for this country and how much of an impact his work still has. As we were getting ready to leave, my host mother wanted to buy me a gift. After insisting that that wasn’t necessary, I decided I liked the fan on the wall (partially because it was a million degrees outside, and we had a long walk back). Once I opened the fan, she told me that what was written on it translated to “keep improving for the world.” And for the last few days, that quote has stuck with me. It’s a very humbling phrase. Yes, it is important to work towards individual improvement, but what about the bigger picture here? What if self-improvement was reframed so that its purpose was to benefit the world around us rather than just ourselves? It would change so much of how we go about our daily lives and would bring us one step closer to a world working together at peace.
And as I sat on a swing in an abandoned park with my two sisters, my parents pushing us from behind, I could only hope that I could keep improving for them. For us. For the world.
