Undoubtedly, this was my favorite week of the program… not because anything in particular happened, but because I was more settled, connected, and content in the community and my home than ever. I truly felt like I gave my all and engaged in every “moment”, whether it was English class, film class, visiting another school and making new friends, or playing basketball with friends. It was a beautiful feeling. :)
In between the moments of high engagement and focus this week, I also spent reflecting. I thought about what I truly value in life, what I want to do with my future, and some observations from interacting with others during my short time in Guangzhou and Zhuhai thus far. I will briefly provide some quick updates about this week, and then I will spend most of the blog unpacking my ideas from my bouts of introspection.
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Quick updates…
English Class—On Wednesday, I facilitated my last English discussion/class. I took selfies with each of the classes to remember our time together. Each class was unique and brought its own special energy, and I am thankful for the opportunity to engage with all the gifted students at No. 9 Middle School. Teaching English taught me that adaptability is not only important, but necessary to lead a discussion/engage with others. On Tuesday morning, my computer did not turn on. Not because it was out of battery, but just because it wanted to rest I guess. So, I facilitated the class discussion around this week’s topics (planning and arranging… I did not PLAN for this to happen LOL) without the aid of the computer. Turns out, the students enjoyed class more without the computer, because they told me that they focused more on what I said (listening) and relied less on visual cues (reading) for help. Therefore, I did not use the computer in my last few classes on Tuesday and Wednesday. I am glad that my computer did not work, as I learned how to improve the discussion and I had more fun engaging directly with the students through speaking and listening.
Film Class—Film class ended on Tuesday afternoon. We have four final projects in hand, and we will receive at least three more projects over the next week (7/9 videos is pretty great if you ask me!). It makes me happy that some students want to continue to work on their projects at home. They are giving their all to this project. We experienced some more difficulty this week with saving files in the correct format and transferring photos/videos to the computer, but overall it was a successful week. I hope that the students enjoyed this experience to be creative and edit photos and videos to produce a film of which they are proud.
**Quick note: The English and extracurricular classes that Duke students hosted were NOT for a grade. Yet, these students (the overwhelming majority of them) showed up to class each day with confidence to engage and excitement to learn. I respect the students’ ability to give their all to their education and to learn just for the sake of learning. :)
Lu Peng—On Tuesday, Elizabeth and I grabbed dinner with our friend Lu Peng, the omniscient IT worker at No. 9 Middle School who now works at a different school. It was fun to talk with him outside of class about something other than film or computers, because he is full of knowledge and loves to teach about Chinese culture and language. It was a beautiful night. :) Huge SHOUTOUT and THANK YOU to Elizabeth for translating at dinner. Lu Peng speaks a little English but was not able to explain the depths of his knowledge in English. Thank you for your patience and help, Elizabeth!
Vocational School—On Wednesday and Thursday, we visited a vocational high school. We participated in a talent show with a small group of students, played games / taught English in smaller groups, watched and participated in the final extracurricular club showcase performance (Hsiaomei was not kidding when she said that we should be ready to perform our dance ANYWHERE and ANYTIME LOL), and ate dinner with a few students. After dinner, Alexander, Andrew, and I stayed with a few students to play badminton and talk. It was nice to “be real” with some of the students outside of class and organized activities. It was such a beautiful time. Alexander, Andrew, and I visited the same group of students when we went back to the school on Thursday. Making new friends makes me so happy. :)
School for Children with Special Needs—On Thursday and Friday, we engaged with students from various grade levels (primary to middle school) by drawing pictures, playing games, and dancing. On Thursday, I worked with a deaf student to draw a picture. My buddy seemed a little shy at first, but then she wanted to take a picture with me and showed everyone my English signature at the bottom of the paper. On Friday, I saw her again. I have read articles in the past that state that most of interpersonal communication is body language (followed by tone of voice and then what words are actually said). My friend’s smile and excitement spoke louder than words ever could. :)
Circus with the family—On Thursday night, my family took me to the circus. It was sooooooo much fun. They are so generous and want me to experience everything that I possibly can during my time with them. I have grown even closer to them this week. I truly feel at home here. I feel loved and accepted. We are family.
Basketball—Yesterday, I played basketball with two different groups of friends. I was late to both activities (partially due to taxi drivers not wanting to give me a ride and partially due to my lack of planning LOL), but we had so much fun together once I got there. Basketball has been a medium that has allowed me to connect with students in a special way. When we play, I forget that we are from different cultures and countries or that we speak different languages. We are connected through a shared love and excitement for the game. This is so beautiful to me. I look forward to every opportunity to play basketball with the students outside of class and school.
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Introspection…
“Most of our problems are not real… they are created by us.”
When Hsiaomei said this, I agreed with her, but I could not put my finger on a specific example. However, as the week progressed and these words were fresh in my mind, it became clear to me that I create a lot of my own problems. Here are two examples of problems that I created, but that I then worked to resolve:
Example 1—In between engaging with everyone here, I look forward to talking with my family and girlfriend at home. I would feel upset (not at my girlfriend or myself, but just experience a general decrease in mood) when I was not able to talk with my girlfriend at a time that we tentatively scheduled due to one of us having to attend to something unexpected. This upset feeling was undirected, but it was still impacting my mood and not positive for the relationship. So, I began to think about why I was having these feelings. I was not upset at her. I was not upset at myself. There was nothing that could have been done to avoid this situation. So, why was I upset? I realized that I was upset because I was focusing on something that was NOT there. I was focusing on the conversations that we could not have rather than truly appreciating the conversations that my girlfriend and I DO have. So, I have carried this mindset with me throughout the rest of the week, and my mood has not been impacted my missed conversations and has been heightened during the conversations that we can have. A simple reframing of my mind allowed me to resolve a problem that I had created myself.
Example 2—On Wednesday and Thursday, we watched a movie about a public bathhouse. It sounds simple, but the movie provided an unparalleled glimpse into the community, culture, and stories around this public space that eventually was torn down to make room for high rises and urbanization. Thank you to Yanan and Hsiaomei for sharing this movie with us!!! On Wednesday, we had watched about a little less than one hour of the 90-minute film. On Thursday, when Yanan put on the film again, she started the film about 20 minutes before the point that we had left off. We asked her to fast forward because we had already seen this part, but she said that it was important to re-watch this part of the movie to understand the story. At first, I did not agree, and I was uncharacteristically and unreasonably upset. I felt like it was a waste of my time, because I had made plans with students to meet them and I was now going to be late. But then I checked myself. Why was I upset? I thought to myself that instead of feeling like it was a waste of my time, I should take this opportunity to watch the story in more detail and pick up on things that I missed the first time. Instantly, I felt much better. I even felt a sense of appreciation. Thank you, Yanan, for starting the movie where you did and for giving us the opportunity to engage with the story again. Thank you, Yanan, for facilitating the post-movie discussion and giving us some ideas to think about and take with us to Beijing.
During our second week in Zhuhai, Hsiaomei and Yanan gave us a synopsis that included quotes and someone’s personal ideas from the book “The Art of Possibility.” Although I have not read the book, the synopsis gave me a thorough glimpse into the book’s key points. The synopsis discussed the differences between the “measuring world” and the “possibility world”. In my opinion, people often live in the “measuring world” in which they compare themselves to others (sometimes unknowingly) and focus too much on what is NOT there or what they are missing that does not MEASURE up to others or their own expectations. On the other hand, the possibility world focuses on being content with what you do have and being optimistic about the possibilities that you can create.
I think that I create most of my problems. I think that I have been living in the measuring world. I think that reframing my mindset to live in the possibility world can help resolve a lot of my problems (not all my problems… I am not saying that a reframing of the mind can resolve everything, but I think that it can definitely help). I think that I was more content this week because I worked to live in the possibility world. Throughout the next few weeks of the program and after, I am challenging myself to live in the possibility world, to approach problems with a clear and reframed mind, and to enjoy what I do have rather than focus on what I do NOT have.
What do people really value in others?
I have been thinking about this idea for a long time. I think that my mindset has been distorted towards success: I thought that people will respect you if you are successful. I do not know where this idea came from. Maybe it is perpetuated by our society or maybe I created it myself. I have begun to question this mindset more and more, and I am changing my answer to this question. Here is an anecdote with simple situations to explain my thoughts:
I am so grateful for the opportunities that I have as a Duke students (I always thought that it was my own doing, my own hard work that has allowed me to get to where I am today, but I now think that my unearned privelege is the biggest factor that has allowed me to have this opportunity and many others… but this is for another discussion). I’ll admit it: I have a superiority complex because I go to Duke. It feels nice when I can say the name to others and I get a small reaction or when my friends and family hype me up, because the prestige makes me feel…. important. I have focused so hard on my academics in high school and college to work towards obtaining and maintaining this academic success. It makes me feel good. I care about it. I thought that others did too. But, now I don’t think that others care so much. So, what do other people care about?
In my opinion, I think what people value the most in others is how that other person makes them feel. It’s about interpersonal connection and forming authentic relationships, not success. One of my mom’s favorite quotes is: “You will not remember what someone said to you, but you will remember how they made you feel.” I 100% agree with this quote.
Thank you, mom, for instilling good values in me and for always leading by example. I love you.
For example, when I got to Duke, I was not basing my new friendships off someone’s success in high school. In fact, of my three closest friends, I only know detailed information about the achievements of ONE of them. I honestly did not care about the success or the mistakes of my friends in the past. I only cared about who they are in this moment and how they make me feel. Sure, if I share a similar success or mistake as someone, then it might help to bring us closer; but, it is the commonality, not the success or mistake itself, which makes it important to me. I have never walked up to someone at Duke or at No. 9 middle school and asked them what their GPA is, or their proudest accomplishment, or their biggest mistake. Instead, I ask them what their interests are, what their dreams are, or what makes them happy and sad. I do this to look for things that we have in common to form a connection. These connections are not based on success, but about how we make each other feel. Common interests make us feel good. Even if I do not share interests with someone, I will like them if they are kind, generous, open, and warm. If they make me feel good, I want to be friends with them. I would pick warmth and kindness over intelligence any day of the week.
You might think that this is obvious or simple. I think it is too. But it has taken me awhile to arrive at this conclusion. By saying this, I am not going to work any less hard at school or to achieve my goals. I say this because I think it is interesting. I enjoy achieving success. In my opinion, most people do. But why do I work so hard if I do not care if my friends or love ones achieve success, but rather I care about how they make me feel and how they make me a better person? Why do I work so hard if I also care most about making my loved ones happy through interactions and not what I study or what profession I have?
Relationships are the most meaningful.
I have found so much meaning in the relationships that I have formed this summer with the students at No. 9 middle school, my host family, my peers from Duke, and other students/people in the community. I am excited to wake up every day to interact with the people around me. This experience, in an interesting way, has also made me feel closer and more love for my family, girlfriend, and friends at home: the great distance between us has made me appreciate each of them even more. I love all of you so much. I told them that if they were in Zhuhai with me, I would stay here. :)
This has made me think about my future. I am studying neuroscience and computer science. These subjects interest me and are both so practical in today’s world. However, will I be happy working in a lab working towards a new discovery about the brain? Will I be happy developing software to help people solve problems? Will I be happy working with AI or developing a computer chip to improve the memory of Alzheimer’s patients? I am drawn to these careers because they are interesting and lucrative. I have always said that I want to help people, and these careers will help me do that.
However, my short time in China has made me think about these career plans. Yes, these career paths will allow me to to help people, but I will be doing so indirectly. I have realized that I do not just want to help people, but I want to form relationships. I love people. I look forward to meeting new people and I am energized when I find a similarity / common interest between myself and someone new. I am sure there are plenty of jobs out there where I can meet new people, hear their story, and then cultivate a relationship. I hope that this job exists under the umbrella of neuroscience and/or computer science. If it does not, then I am afraid that I would see myself yearning for more.
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Thank you for taking the time to read about my thoughts from this week. I appreciate your commitment to me and my experience. There is always more that can be said, but I will leave you with this today. I look forward to seeing you back here next week. :)
