Anecdote number 2: This week I went to eat lunch with one of my good hip hop boys in his classroom. He doesn’t speak much. None of the seventh graders in his class do; combination of not knowing English and being shy. I mostly just sat there and smiled for 20 minutes but the thought was there.
_____
I am tired of getting up at 6:30 in the morning. I am tired of not knowing what anyone is saying around me. I am tired of people staring and pointing at me. I am tired of the unsolicited photos being taken of me. I am tired of feeling bad for not talking to my parents because I couldn’t find the right time to call them with the twelve-hour time difference. I am tired of kids not paying attention in classes. I’m tired of the lack of vanilla flavored pastries/drinks. I am tired of the excessive amount of carbs in my diet and loss of time to exercise. I am tired of random changes being thrown at the Duke students that we have no choice but to deal with.
Now that I got that out... I feel that there’s a lot of negative connotation with the idea of complaining. Though, sometimes you just have to say what’s on your mind. We shouldn’t be prohibited to voice our opinions. It’s not an easy program. Though, we knew this going in. Despite the minor complaints and inconveniences, I do feel that it is important for everyone to state grateful and CHECK their privilege. More specifically, my mindful that being here is a gift. We were each specifically chosen to come on this trip and to do this service. We were given funds to take care of ourselves and get around without having to take money out of our pockets... for two months! So as tired, annoyed, or lonely as anyone is, it is my opinion that there is no right to lose humility. This is something I remind myself, and would hope that the rest of my Duke engage team keeps in mind, especially when it comes to our program director who literally handed us this opportunity herself.
I’ve noticed that the honeymoon phase of the program was transient. The group has gotten very close and has fallen into a rhythm. But, there are minor things that have gone on previously and this week that I believe have affected some of the our experiences here in China. With this observation, I thought it’d be a good idea to facilitate a group discussion. My goal of the discussion was to open everyone up to the idea of addressing personal conflicts that any of us may have or have had with other students at any point. When people work together for such a period of time, conflict is inevitable. Since we can’t avoid it, why not improve how we deal with it. I began by dressing some things that I was involved in previously. The was sort of just to get the ball rolling. I sort of wanted to just give examples of the type of things that could be brought up. We proceeded to split into pairs. I told everyone just to talk about wither something that happened between them and another person or anything about the group or their own feelings. The purpose is to have a discussion! Someone suggested that we should just let people tall with whoever they need to solve. Problem with directly. I clarified that everyone should definitely talk to whomever directly after this discussion and for now share whatever their discretion allows. We are all adults. I already said in my previous blog but, I love this group. They made this discussion valuable. They listened and participated. I don’t know exactly what I wanted from this, but I think it was worth it. I give much much thanks to Dr. Wes for helping me facilitate the conversation. He’s good at things like this (and everything else).
This week was full of ups and downs. One of the downs including some of the faculty REALLY giving us a hard time about this show. Again, I am tired. My question is, why were four dance classes created if there’d only be three “programs” allotted for dance in the final show. Us dance teachers have been stressing. After a lot of time spent arranging and creating, we had to go back and cut and fix. Once this was done, they thought it’d be fun to suggest cutting students from our classes. Now, I am not opposed to the idea of maximizing quality, I am just saying it is TOO late for that. We’ve perfected formations and tailored choreography specifically to the number of students in each dance. Take on person out, now you’ve done goofed. Eventually, we learned no students would be cut. But, JUST when you think you’ve gotten to the end of rocky road... BAM, chicken pox! Are you kidding? I lost two of my best dancers. Not only did I lose talent, but NOW my dances are weird with two empty spots. I would fix this. But, I’m not even done teaching my kids choreography. I have two hours left with them. And on TOP of that... a teacher asks me if I can come up with more choreography so that my class and another can be on the stage at the same time. Look, if God hands me on a silver platter the blessing and abilities to complete all of these wishes and responsibilities, fine. But, NOW they’re just asking a lot of these kids. I say this knowing everything will work out. Duke already taught me that normally when you’re at this point where you wonder if falling down a flight of stairs might be a good distraction from what’s going on, pretty much everything works out. So, now, all I can say is... I’ll figure it out. We all will. This program has 12 extremely capable students on it. We are going to put on a great show and the kids will rock.